21st Century Dating: Accepting He Doesn’t Like You
Time to begin the 5 stages of grief
In your efforts to beat your crippling loneliness, you’ve hit up the dating apps, the dance-floors, and every other damned place you can scour for a possible partner. Then, of course, there was that one fortunate afternoon where you thought you met someone you actually liked, and lo and behold, you went on a date! Unfortunately, you either became nothing but friends (I refuse to say ‘friend-zoned’), he suddenly got into a relationship with someone else (damn them both), or when the proverbial shit hit the fan, he simply told you he doesn’t like you.
There’s a large debate on whether or not you should feel sad if someone you barely dated doesn’t like you. But for some really maarte and extremely extra people like me, it means the world. This is your thought process as you grieve.
Denial: He’s just confused, he doesn’t know what he wants!
He can’t possibly not like you- that’s as if he doesn’t like breathing. He’s going to come back to you. This is just a small blip in the beginning of your relationship and you’ll be free to welcome his good morning texts again in a week or so… Right? Might as well check his instagram and see how he’s doing. He’ll be back soon enough. No need to worry.
Anger: How dare he not like me?! Who does he think he is?!
Who does he think he is, anyway? He’s not even cute. He’s not even hot. You’ve dated men who could put this little boy to shame. You were aiming low. You didn’t even want him. You were just lonely. He’s a loser. He’ll never find true happiness because he passes up on good things. He’s not even worth this.
Bargaining: I promise I’ll be good, PLEASE come back.
At this stage, you’re so desperate you’ve begun asking God if he can change his mind and come back to you. You’ve sworn off cheating, you won’t even look at another male being. You’ll delete your tinder and stop your hoe-like activities. Dear God, I swear I’ll stop complaining and being maarte, just bring him back.
Depression: I’m worthless. I’ll never find love.
You’re going to be alone forever. Nobody’s ever going to love you. If this one mediocre guy doesn’t even want you, then what’s the point of looking for someone actually worth your while? What is it about you that’s so unlikable he doesn’t want anything to do with you? Are you not fit enough? Are you not funny enough? Oh well, time to go on a bender. Shop till you drop or eat till you explode because nobody will ever want you.
Acceptance: I built a bridge and got over it.
You realize the past four stages paint you as an obsessive psycho and you need to sober up your emotions. He’s not coming back but he’s not a terrible guy. God won’t be able to set you up together if this boy doesn’t want to be with you, and you don’t need to waste yourself away into nothing. Your life will go on. Besides, did you even really know him?
After grieving for someone that was never truly yours, you realize that your loneliness isn’t as crippling as you thought. At least, not in comparison to your unnecessarily painful obsession over a stranger. It’s time you realize that there are bigger fish to fry and this useless tilapia will do nothing to sate your romantic appetite. You can take a break from boys or you can jump back in that dating pool as if nothing happened.
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